Writing Practise #9

Hi everyone!!! So I was wondering if you could all critique and edit these pieces that I have written for writerscraft...

PS: Please be harsh!! (I can take it!)

In Memory of Great-Grandma
One could never tell that she was old, apart from her frail stature. She would always ride away in the teal coloured mustang convertible, traversing to the shopping mall, to keep her wardrobe up to date, or to the grocery store, to buy the ingredients for her prize-winning butter tarts. Easy to talk to, she was there when one needed someone to talk with, giving her advice freely. She loved her family; she lived for them! Not a day would go by without someone calling her up, or popping in to say ‘hi’. If someone would show up at her tiny apartment, she would not let them leave until she had filled them up with a meal made especially for him or her. Rocking in her chair, knitting woolen socks, scarfs or slippers of every colour imaginable, she would give them to her family to keep warm and remind them of her love. She was a mom, grandma, and great-grandma, one that was truly loved by all. Great-grandma loved her Lord and Saviour and lived her life believing and trusting in Him everyday. Even on her death bed she had words of wisdom to tell, “You’re a good boy.” She is gone now, to be with Jesus but everyone who has known her will not forget the love that she showed to them everyday.

A Misunderstanding
Knock! Knock!
“Melanie are you in there?” Shouted Drew. “Melanie open up, c’mon I’m sorry. You want me to break a window, cause I will, I know that you are in there, your cars in the driveway you can’t fool me.”
SMASH
“Melanie where are you?”
“Drew, Drew” Melanie whispered coarsely.
“I’m coming!” Replied Drew. “NO! Melanie are you okay? You are in a pool of blood, Melanie can you hear me? Melanie?” He screamed. “I love you!”
“Put your hands behind your back, I don’t want any trouble from you mister” exclaimed a police officer.
“Really, really I can explain” Drew stammered with tears flowing down his face.
“I’m sure you can…in court!”